Should Marriage be an Entitlement or the climax of fulfillment?

Marriage! Marriage!! Marriage!!! marriage can simply be defined as the coming together of a man and a woman to become one. There are different types of marriage; polygamy ( 1 man , 2 wives can be known as Bigamy; 1 man to several wives), Polyandry ( 1 woman, more than one husband), and nowadays monogamy ( married to oneself). Recently in a discussion with some ladies, one of them said," well at the rate at which am going, people are saying i would not get married, that am strong willed and i speak my mind' and men like women who are more or less passive and docile, they do not like women that would challenge their authority. A mother in our mist jokingly said, ' if you know this is blue and a man says it is black, just smile and agree, i bet within 6 months you would get married'. The lady went on and on recounting stories of how she has been disrespected simply because she was not married, I was aggrieved at some point and i said what nonsense, should marriage be an entitlement , should it be a climax of fulfillment? This prompted me to write this post.

I think that our society ( Nigeria) largely sees marriage as a sense of fulfillment. There is this perceived respect you get from people when you are married. At some age maybe mid twenties girls begin to feel entitled to marriage and some men at this age or in their early or mid thirties feel as though their life is incomplete without a woman to call a wife. The ones that are lucky to get married at this stage , carry an aura of fulfillment, its like they have achieved a great feat in life. So much so that people are willing to do whatever it takes to get married. Women lower their standards of who they would have loved to be their partners and they even fall short of achieving their life goals because they want to marry by all means. Men go to every length , just to be seen as honorable, some even compete to marry the most beautiful or most knowledgeable. Parents? they really do not make matters easy in your mid twenties as a girl , you are constantly asked ' when are you bringing the right person home' and when you are in your 30's it becomes a prayer point for both genders. Its a race to get married.

Don't get me wrong, marriage is honorable and its perhaps a necessary good. Nonetheless, should people be disrespected because they are not married, should they be looked down upon and made to look like failures? Certainly not. I do not think we can count the number of broken marriages and broken homes and children who have become worst of because of it. Can we also count the re-occurring cases of domestic violence in Nigeria, where both spouse lose their lives in the process. Recently, i read a story where a women set her house on fire and killed herself and her husband because she suspected he was cheating. Or should i also cite the number of marriages , spouses are enduring simply because they do not want to break up , to be as seen as failures in the society.

Again, is marriage good? Yes, when you are married to your God-given spouse and both of you Love and Respect each other. Nonetheless the society needs to stop seeing marriage as an entitlement or a climax of fulfillment. Men need to stop seeing marriage as a means of dominating their wives, Women need to stop seeing marriage as a ticket to their dream heaven. People should not be treated differently because they are not married, they should be giving maximum respect. There should be something like Unmarried people's rights, where people reserve the rights to be treated and respected as equally as the married ones. Do not pressure anyone into marriage and the society starts with us. Chiamanda Adicihe in her short book titled 'Dear Ijeawele' wrote; "Never speak of marriage as an achievement. Find ways to make clear to her that marriage is not an achievement nor is it what she should aspire to. A marriage can be happy or unhappy but it is not an achievement".